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[ Friday, April 22, 2005 ]

 

I made her cry.

I didn't mean to, and I know that it certainly wasn't all because of me. But I guess it was the last thing she could take before she broke down.

I had walked into the room to see the two of them, both who mean so much to me, working together. After a few minutes of distracted conversations, we all got busy doing our own thing. She was on the phone rescheduling an interview. He left the computer to pray Dhuhr. I went to make wudu and returned to pray as well, doing dua for what seemed even longer than it took me to do salah.

I got up and quietly put my shoes on. She made a joke and though I knew she was kidding, I shrugged and kind of smiled, telling her in so many words that she didn't have to do me any favors. I said salaams, and as he turned from the screen and replied, I could tell that he knew. He can always read me so much better than she can, if I let him, that is. I closed the door after me.

As I was waiting for the elevator, she ran after me and asked why I was leaving. "Class," I explained. She wanted to know what was wrong, but I told her it was just stress.

Later, she called, and told me what happened. I decided to stop letting my nafs get to me, and like I always eventually do, I accepted her apologies.

While working on a paper, I talked to him online until about 3 a.m. He told me that she really needs someone who she can trust as a friend right now and that I'm "like her sister on her path...at least that's what she wants." I thought about how lucky she is to have someone care enough about her to be trying to patch things up between us. Masha Allah.

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