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[ Wednesday, April 14, 2004 ]

 

So much emotion in such little time...

Yesterday was another good day...We discussed the meaning of the Burda in our class. After class, one of my nonMuslim classmates asked some of us sisters to be in a documentary that she was filming for one of her classes. She filmed us discussing media, Islam, stereotypes, etc.

Then I went to the Berkeley marina to watch the sunset for our mini halaqa. Actually, no one else could make it so it was just me and the sister who leads our halaqa, which was fine by me. I was amazed by how close the marina is to campus, and I know that I'll definitely make more trips there (insha Allah) when I need to get away and reflect on things. After walking by the water for a bit, we sat down at a bench, wrapped her shawl around both of us, and talked about "maghfira" (repentance). I felt so peaceful as I did salah. It got really cold though, so we finished the halaqa in her car, as she glanced at her notes on the subject on her laptop. After making dua together, her in Arabic and me in English, we drove back towards campus. We stopped by at Crepes A Go-Go, where we shared a crepe and a mixture of three gelato classico ice cream flavors. I needed her advice on a matter, and told her about my situation. I had heard that same advice before, but maybe I just needed to hear it again. I took her advice and started praying istikhara last night. Insha Allah I plan to keep it up.

I think my big issue with istikhara had been that I wasn't sure that I would be willing to accept the outcome of a decision if it wasn't the outcome that I wanted...If I didn't pray istikhara, I could continue maybe deluding myself...But if I did pray istikhara and the outcome wasn't what I wanted it to be, I'd be forced to accept it. I don't know if I'm making sense. But I thought about it, and I know that whatever Allah wills happens, so regardless it would happen. But I needed to make sure that I was willing to accept disappointment before praying istikhara. I'm still not completely sure I can handle it, but I need to try. If it's meant to be, it'll happen.

Today Sis S and I led the MSA bakesale to help raise funds for a scholarship meant for incoming freshman. I had actually received that scholarship this past year, so I feel somewhat responsible for raising money for it...though, I'd still help even if I hadn't received it. I baked about four dozen chocolate chip cookies, and alhamdulillah we sold about three dozen. Believe me, these cookies are addicting! I took pity on the poor brothers who gladly took the leftovers, promising to return my tupperware all nice and clean on Jummah (With brothers you need to make sure!). "I thought you'd never ask! I was eyeing that container!" one of them exclaimed.

I saw an independent documentary today called "The Fourth World War" which was really powerful. It was about global resistance in Iraq, Palestine, Mexico, Korea, Argentina, Italy, and South Africa. It was so sad that I cried a lot, but it was also motivating. Subhan Allah!

Shaykh Murtadha is supposed to be coming to Berkeley tomorrow to lead a halaqa and sing some anasheed. I was raving about him to one of my friends, asking her if she'd ever heard him. She laughed and said, "You're so cute! He's my cousin!" Woah! And according to her, he also sings anasheed at weddings! Guess who's invited to mine (insha Allah)!

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