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[ Tuesday, December 16, 2003 ]

 

Blogging

It's been almost a year now since I started blogging. I discovered blogging when I realized that a close friend/sis had a blog. Although it initially creeped me out that people wrote about their daily lives online, I liked the idea that one could post interesting articles, quotes, poems, etc.

I share my reflections and poetry and use my blog to just plain vent sometimes. I used to keep a journal, but I find it easier to express myself when typing now because it's easier to edit. I don't know if I'm making sense, but that's the beauty of having my own blog; I don't have to worry about making sense because I'm writing for myself, not for a crowd.

When I started out blogging, I didn't want anyone to know about my blog. I was paranoid about privacy. Only my sis, that sis/friend who introduced me to blogging, and another friend who also blogs knew about it. I don't even remember how I got to know the rest of the Blogistanis, but I'm glad I did because they're some of the best Muslims I know. True, I've never met them in person, but sometimes you don't need to in order to know what people are like on the inside. And there's still a sense of privacy online; we don't share everything about ourselves.

Does it bother me that people I know are aware that I have a blog? It depends. I wouldn't want my parents or aunts or uncles to know because I don't think they'd understand. There are other people in my Muslim community-particularly brothers-who I wouldn't want to read my blog because I work with them on events and it would just feel weird because we're not that open with one another. I suppose I would get over it after a while, but initially it would still feel like someone read something private. Recently, I found out that a sis from my halaqa is aware of my blog and sometimes reads it. It freaked me out because suddenly, she knew more about me than I thought she had. After a while though, I got over it, and alhamdulillah I think it just brought us closer. So yeah, it's a bit startling when I first find out that someone I actually know reads my blog, but then I get over it. I'd rather they tell me than to not know at all.

So am I being a hypocrite by blogging about my life, but then thinking about my privacy? Am I hypocritical by having links to some brothers' blogs and leaving them comments when in reality, I hardly talk to brothers? I sure hope not. But I don't present myself any differently on my blog than I am in real life, and most of my posts are about Islam, anyway. Maybe I'm just justifying it for myself. Then again, I can't expect others who don't also blog to understand what I'm talking about. It's easy to judge others and look down on them for blogging, but it's not right. And I hate feeling defensive, like I have to explain myself to people.

I've thought about leaving blogging, but I can't seem to do it. Part of it is out of stubbornness; I don't want people to make me run away from my own spot. But I also enjoy blogging, and it's not something I'm willing to give up just yet. Plus, the Blogistanis are cool people who know how to cheer me up when I'm down. And they sure make some awesome duas.

So yeah-there's my blogging anniversary post-a whole month early.

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