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[ Wednesday, October 01, 2003 ]

Death and Nasheeds

As salaam u alaikum

Thanks for all your comments and advice. Alhamdulillah it helps. I took all of your advice to prioritize and decided not to write about "the event" for the upcoming MSA newspaper...even though I really wanted to, I just don't have the time and grades right now. I still feel guilty about flaking though. Actually, I didn't even write the 4-5 page paper that was due today, but alhamdulillah I got an extension til the weekend.

SubhanAllah, one of my Turkish friends asked me today if I could teach her how to pray salah. It made me so happy! She had asked me about the MSA, Jummah, Halal restaurants, etc. and she really loved "the event." Alhamdulillah, I guess it motivated her to learn salah. It's so true that hanging out with the right people will keep you on the straight path.

On a somber note, it's weird because in my last post I had said that I almost got into a car accident, and then yesterday morning I also had some issues. I was driving to Berkeley and while I was in the Caldecott tunnel, the SUV in front of me to my left ran over a big chunk of glass or plastic. That chunk flew from the SUV's tire straight toward my windshield. It was so scary because I could totally see the chunk flying right at me, and I was afraid that the impact would break the windshield...and getting hit by anything is terrible in the tunnel. Alhamdulillah though, the chunk only cracked the left side of my windshield but didn't break it all the way through. As a reflex I said, "SubhanAllah." I think that's what comforts me the most--the fact that instead of slipping and uttering a curse, I remembered Allah's name.

One of my major fears is that someday I'm going to die in a car crash, and there won't be Muslims around to ease my pain by reciting Qur'an and the kalima around me. I'm not really afraid of the fact that I will die--afterall, that's part of life. What I'm afraid of is that I won't die with Allah's name on my lips or while in a state of purity. What scares me is the fact that my family (and countless others) tend to mix culture into religion (for example, when someone dies in the U.S., sometimes the bodies are sent to Pakistan to be buried without thinking about the discomfort of the deceased; instead of doing dua for just 3 days, we tend to do it for 40 days and then have a big khatamul-Qur'an; every Thursday there is another khatamul-Qur'an or big dua for those 40 days...and at the year anniversary of the death, we have another khatamul-Qur'an and invite a lot of people and eat together). This is not to say that my family isn't very religious and I don't mean to say bad things about them, but this is something that I think about every time there's a death because these are obviously important issues. I've tried explaining things, but as I'm sure many of us know, there's a point where people just won't listen and if you carry on, you're just going to be rude. That's not to say that we shouldn't try to correct people or reason with them. That's not to say we should always just sit quietly; there are times to speak out and times when it's best to just remain silent. But insha Allah if we're patient and keep trying, things will change.

I hope insha Allah that when I die, I will not be in a lot of pain. If I end up getting some terminal disease or end up in a coma, I'd rather die at home than in the hospital. Insha Allah I'll be reciting the kalimah, I'll be in a state of purity, and I won't be worrying about the duniya. Insha Allah I'll be protected from the punishments of the grave. Insha Allah my grave won't be cemented and there won't be heavy stones marking it. Insha Allah there will be lots of plants growing on my grave because they will pray for me. Insha Allah people will visit my grave and pray for me. Insha Allah I'll be able to answer the angel's questions while in the grave.

I guess I think about death a lot anyway (some people think I'm being morbid), but I remember especially thinking about death a week ago after listening to one of Shaykh Hamza's Purification of the Heart tapes. He talked about how, subhanAllah, Muslims are not scared of death because we have been preparing for it all our lives and we know what's going to happen. He talked about how a good way to prepare oneself for it is to actually visualize dying, being washed, being lowered into the grave, etc. It really puts things into perspective doesn't it?

Speaking of Shaykh Hamza, last Friday, Apaji and I listened to Imam Zaid Shakir and Shaykh Hamza's first lecture in the "Contemporary Lecture Series"at UCB. The topic was "Islam and the Question of Nationalism." Shaykh Hamza said salaam to me and my sister as he passed by our seats. I wonder if he remembers me from when I talked to him at Kaiser a year ago. Probably not. It doesn't matter to me anyway; I was just awed that he said salaam to us...

I've been listening to Sami Yusuf's new nasheed album called "Al-Mu'allim" My favorite is the title track and then "Ya Mustafa", but the other ones are also beautiful! Masha Allah he can sing! The cd sounds so much better than the internet links, but listen to them all. Every day this past week, I've seriously been waiting until I could come home and listen to his cd repeatedly. Buy it you guys! Especially those of you who enjoy listening to Dawud Wharnsby Ali, Zain Bhikha, Yusuf Islam, Raihan, and others.

I was feeling lonely today...It was one of those days where I was walking on campus hoping that I'd see some Muslim people.

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[ Wednesday, October 01, 2003 ]

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