~*bean*~

[ Tuesday, July 22, 2003 ]

Green Ducks and Arranged Marriages

Man, here I go again. This is not the first time I've signed into my blog with the intention to type up a post, only to totally forget the gist of what I wanted to say by the time the white post screen pops up. Maybe I'm getting old and getting amnesia. Wait, now I sound like my dad.

Anyway I was so tired today that during the 10 minute break from class, I sat on a bench outside, closed my eyes, enjoyed the sun shining on my face (our room is so cold that I get goose bumps even while wearing my thick sweater), and became so drowsy that I almost jumped when Helen K. asked if I though our break time was over. I came home and after lunch, I slept for four straight hours on our comfy living room chair...it's quickly becoming my second bed.

We didn't feed the ducks in the pond during break time like we usually do, because it looks like they're getting plenty of food elsewhere and they aren't very hungry anymore. I think the school ended up dyeing the pond water because it suddenly looks very green, rather than the old gray/brown. Too bad the school didn't clean out all the garbage in the pond; it still smells. The white ducks now look green and the water looks like it's filled with a whole lot of mildew. From far away it looks all right, though. Last week, the duck's eggs hatched and now there are cute little duckies swimming around. Also last week, there were geese in the pond, and when I tried to lure them closer, one of them actually ate the bread out of my hand! I was so excited!

Helen K. and I didn't do our week's homework in the library and go out to lunch like we usually do on Tuesdays, because she had to entertain some guests. It's all good; we're planning on going to a Vietnamese restaurant downtown tomorrow. I've never tried Vietnamese food before, so I'm really looking forward to it.

Ahha! I just remembered what I wanted to talk about! This week in my class, we've been discussing families in society. Yesterday, we ended up talking about arranged marriages. Our textbook and the teacher focused mostly on the Indian system of arranging marriages within each caste. My teacher told a story about a past Indian student who had fled from her family in India because of an arranged marriage. Apparently, her family had arranged her marriage when she was very young, and by the time she reached the age of eighteen, when she was supposed to get married, she decided that she didn't want to marry the guy she was expected to. She fled to America, and her family cut ties with her. While I'm sure that this sometimes happens and I do acknowledge that some people have arranged marriages not because they really want to marry their husband/wife or believe that the system of arranged marriages is a good one, but because social pressure dictates it.

Arranged marriages have enough stigma attached to them without my teacher adding to it with an extreme case, so I felt that I had to speak up in class and give a more balanced view of arranged marriages. When I raised my hand and announced to my class that although I was born and raised here in the U.S. I plan to have an arranged marriage and am definitely ok with it, I could tell that people were shocked. My teacher's eyes became really wide, and he was like, "Oh." If I hadn't been so serious, I would've laughed! I explained that although there is a whole range of arranged marriages, the main point of them is to ensure that the family as a whole is involved in making such important decisions, and that it's like having your family introduce you to suitable candidates for marriage. I mentioned that it's important for a couple's extended families to get along well, especially when raising children. I also explained that in some arranged marriages, the couple does not see one another until the actual wedding day, while other arranged marriages involve meeting possible candidates with family members present to make sure that everything is appropriate. I stressed that if one doesn't think that the person is the "right one," s/he has the option to continue looking; marriage is based on consent. I also said that although traditionally Hindus must marry within a specific caste, Muslim marriages cross social, national, and ethnic bounds.

I almost laughed when one of the guys in my class raised his hand and asked how my parents will end up finding a guy and whether it'll be someone like a son of a family friend. I was also asked whether or not I already know who I'm going to marry, and what seems to be my family's criteria in looking for a perspective husband. I explained that as I perceive it, my family's concern is that I marry someone who is well educated and has a solid career so that I shouldn't have to work unless I want to (which I do plan to do although not when my children are young). I also said that for me, having a religious husband is very important. The teacher mentioned that one of the problems of arranged marriages is incompatibility and I said that although that can be true, meeting and talking to a prospective husband/wife usually helps one to see whether or not they will be compatible. On a side note, I think that most of our parents know us very well, and they can tell who would be appropriate for us. Maybe I'm just lucky to have a father like I do who knows me so well so I can say that. Anyway, Helen K. and I discussed arranged marriages all the way home. She's very open minded and not afraid to ask questions so I like discussing things with her (We've also been discussing hijab off and on during the past week).

There's a guy in my class who kind of disturbs me. I understand that he's allowed to have his own opinion, but man, saying that OJ was "smart" in murdering his wife so that he wouldn't have to worry about splitting his assets in half in the case of divorce, is rather extreme. Today, we were talking about divorce and why some families in the U.S. either don't have children at all, or they put off having children until the last minute ("thirty-seven-year-old syndrome") and even then only have one of two children because they are so expensive. The guy in my class is all about earning a ton of money...He's so cold and seriously concerned with it that he probably doesn't even want to get married and has already said that children are too expensive to have. For his sake, I hope he gets married and has kids; maybe it'll thaw his heart. He seriously needs to chill. He's got an attitude problem; he's arrogant and it's almost like he looks down on everyone in the class and thinks they're stupid because they're going to a community college. He wants to transfer to Berkeley. I hope he seriously reassesses what's important in life. Then again, maybe money is most important to him. I don't know. I shouldn't judge him when I have so much to improve with myself.

Today, I got a letter from Berkeley's Christians On Campus organization. I was curious so I read their letter and the small informational booklet about Christianity. It was interesting, but it I pretty much already knew all the info that was presented on Christianity. Then I read the next chapter in my textbook on religion. It talked about the concept and importance of religion both in past and present societies. It gave brief overviews of Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. It was pretty interesting stuff, and for once accurate information was presented about Islam.

0 comments

~bean~

[ Tuesday, July 22, 2003 ]

0 Comments: